What’s worse: never getting feedback, or getting too much?
How to provide tough feedback comes up often in my coaching sessions. Some leaders recognize it as a potential area for improvement. It’s often a topic that I discuss with clients who have a pattern of avoiding tough conversations at all costs.
When I was a junior staff member at a large company in Korea, I received frequent feedback not just on my work - data, analysis, logic, and conclusions - but also on how I collaborated with others, my work timeliness, and how dedicated (or not) I was to the work. These conversations typically happened at a team table where 4-6 other members could hear quite clearly. With a wide open office layout, it wasn’t only those immediate team members at the table who could hear - most of the office floor could hear too, especially in the loud voices of frustrated managers’ critiques. In those sessions, I felt sometimes discouraged by the harsh feedback. But when I reflected, in general, I felt informed and motivated. These conversations happened almost everyday in various corners of the office.
Receiving intensive critiques on our behavior, time management, the content of our work, and sometimes our work habits on a regular basis can be intense and sometimes disheartening. On the other hand, not being able to receive or share tough but important feedback promptly takes a toll as well.
Based on my own experience in corporate America and my coaching, I find many managers regardless of their levels feel that giving and receiving feedback is separate work from their day to day job. They won’t share feedback unless it is absolutely necessary, especially corrective feedback. When trying to focus on positive relationships, many feel difficulty in holding their direct reports accountable for their lack of effort or performance. Managers, then, suffer from the continued inadequate performance or end up making an abrupt decision without giving an opportunity for either party to change and grow in a meaningful way.
Do some cultures encourage feedback while others shy away from it?
Is the difference that I experience in Korea and the US cultural? Erin Meyer in her book The Culture Map puts the US as one of the most clear and explicit communicator cultures in the world and yet, when it comes to giving negative feedback, the US prefers to be more indirect than countries like Germany, Israel, and even Spain, France, Italy and Russia. There is an interesting example in the book where an employee from a global French company is stationed in the US. The French expat was excited about receiving one of the best performance reviews in her career from her American boss, who, on the other hand, thought that there were several critical things she needed to change and believed that he gave details of the issues for her improvement in the same performance review. How could this be more day and night?
As I reflect on my experience in Korea and compare it with my US experience, three things jump out:
As far as I remember, managers were never passive aggressive. They didn’t have to be. Managers were not shy about criticizing your work and even raising their voices to make their opinions clear.
Giving tough but fair feedback was considered an important criteria for a good manager. “That leader is tough to work with but if you have gone through working for him, you will elevate yourself” was the ultimate compliment.
Because everyone was able to see and hear how others gave feedback to their peers or direct reports, even new and unskilled managers weren’t afraid of giving feedback.
Interestingly, the Culture Map designates Korean culture as more indirect in giving negative feedback than the US, which is the opposite of my experience. Meyer does point out though that “in some indirect feedback culture, it is quite possible for a boss to give scathing negative feedback to an employee while remaining entirely within the realm of the appropriate. In these cases, the strongly hierarchical tendencies trump their indirect feedback patterns.” My experience of frequent feedback might be a result of one direction communication based on a hierarchical culture. Also, in my opinion, the difficulty of letting go of employees in Korea - which is practically not possible based on performance - forces more direct feedback conversations.
Combining both: how can we improve our feedback culture?
As a leader and executive coach in the US who grew up and worked in Asia, I think a lot about how I can combine good aspects from both cultures. Can we embed feedback more into our daily lives without harming our relationships? These are my takeaways:
Know that many people are not afraid of receiving critical assessments, especially the ones who want to improve. They seek it. Therefore, know that negative feedback can be positive.
Be curious and ask (coach) rather than just tell. Assume that the feedback receiver has a good reason to behave in a certain way. Bring your perspective like holding a mirror for them and ask what they want to do about it.
Feedback can be encouraged meaningfully only as culture. Today, if you receive regular feedback that helps you to develop, you are lucky. It is rare. From my conversations, I found people want to be better at giving/receiving feedback but are afraid of hurting feelings or even more, being perceived as not constructive in the organization. Korean colleagues embed feedback into their daily lives because it is so natural in the environment. As a leader you can and need to create a culture, regardless if it is in the US, Korea, or France, in which giving and receiving feedback is perceived as helpful, rewarding, and critical for success.